A few posts back I wrote about 4 Ways to Develop Belief for Success in business. Since then I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about the importance of developing self belief.
I’ve come across a fair amount of misunderstanding when in relation to the role of personal development in this regard and I want to address it in this post.
Self belief does not come about as result of some magical ‘metaphysical osmosis’ process once you have done enough personal development.
No amount of personal development will ever create your self belief. What it will do, is prepare, support and inspire you to face your fears.
It’s only as you face your fears that you will develop confidence and it’s only when you have developed enough confidence that you will know for a fact that you have created the self belief required to be successful at whatever you want to achieve.
Some years ago I took up a new teaching position at a school in England. On my second day I discovered to my dismay that I had been assigned to oversee a group that was to go ice skating weekly for half the year.
This may not sound awfully daunting to you but this was the day I realised I had never even been close to an ice rink, never mind skate on one.
I had been a competitive swimmer since the age of five so there had never been any time for any other sport in my life but even if there had been, considering where I grew up this would have been far more likely to have been spent surfing not ice skating.
I knew there was no way a bunch of 15 year olds were going to allow me to sit on the sidelines and watch as much as I fantasised about this option.
No, I knew I was going on that ice whether I liked it or not and the mere thought filled with dread and fear.
What if I fell and hurt myself? Worse than that, what if I fell and looked like an absolute idiot? What if I was not capable of learning to skate? What if… What if… What if…
Now how far do you think I would have got with learning how to skate if I had stood at the side of the ice rink and read personal development books and rattled off affirmations, waiting till I felt as if I had enough self belief to get on the ice?
Do it! Fall over! Get up! Repeat!
I had to do what everybody has to do when they want to learn how to skate. I had to get on the ice, despite my fears, fall all over the place, get laughed at, hurt myself, get up and do it again.
Yes I was muttering affirmations under my breath at the same time but it was by getting up over and over again that I learned to become more confident.
As I became more confident so I developed the belief that I could do it and I did.
If you are not yet successful with your business or any other endeavour for that matter, identify what it is you most fear and decide to face it.
Then armed with personal development to support you, make sure you face this fear every day until you become confident enough to create the self belief you require to succeed.
Whenever I think I may not be able to do something, I spend time remembering all the many accomplishments I have achieved in my life.
I think back to how with each I had been fearful and lacking in confidence when I started, but by taking action and not giving up, I overcame my fears, developed confidence and created the self belief I required.
As I remind myself of the process that has always worked, I know that I can do it again and in so doing I diffuse any belief that might stop me from taking action when taking on something new.
When you have done it once, all you have to do is remember what you did and repeat it until you are successful again.
I am always keen to read about your experiences and thoughts so please leave me a comment, especially as this is a ‘Do Follow’ blog. I’d also appreciate it if you would share this post with your followers. Thank you.
Be Happy!
Post Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrsmaxspix/2079781854/
Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy your visit. May I suggest you...
Hi Marcus,
Very nice post! We learn by doing, not by reading about it. Actually, yours reminded me of a similar blog post I read just recently about learning how to swim. It’s impossible to accomplish without getting in to the water and doing it
I remember how I learned how to swim as a child. I cheated by leaving one foot on the ground in the shallow water. Then to my surprise, the person who taught me picked me up and threw me into the deep end. I had no choice than to swim or drown. (Well,he wouldn’t have let that happen, but still.)
Sometimes we just have to gather all of our courage and face whatever head on.
Be blessed,
Ilka
Ilka Flood recently posted..Winners of the Top Commentator Award for April
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 2:14 am
Hi Ilka,
I had a good old chuckle at your story about how you learned to swim. I think that’s exactly how a lot of people learn how to do many things.
Oddly enough I was also thrown into the deep end of the poll at my first swimming lesson. Maybe it was a swimming lesson philosophy at the time? LOL
You are right. There is only one way to overcome fear and that is to confront it so that the fear goes away.
Thank you for sharing your story here.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
All of my accomplishments came about because I failed, and failed and failed.
By failing, I learned to embrace fear again and again. Eventually, what you fear isn’t so scary. You conquer it. You realize it’s a bunch of squiggly little waves in your mind but to get to this point you must do what you are afraid to do over and over.
You must affirm both in mind and body. You must repeat words and then you must perform the physical acts you are afraid to perform.
I used to be terrified of phone work. I spoke to a few high earning MLM guys early on in my career when I was totally unprepared to speak to them, and felt like an absolute clown after hanging up. I was angry, embarrassed and upset, visibly shaken because I lacked the confidence in myself to deal with people who I viewed as being on a pedestal.
Guess what? After speaking to multi-millionaire dollar earners now I feel at ease and confident, and just recently I turned down a top earner who pursued me repeatedly because he wasn’t a vibrational match. Last year I would have been intimidated to even get on the phone with him. But I practiced being the person, now I’m becoming the person, all because I did what I feared to do again and again.
Thanks for the inspirational post Marcus, I appreciate you
RB
Ryan Biddulph recently posted..How to Become a Magnet to High Energy People in 4 Simple Steps
[Reply]
Rowena Bolo Reply:
May 5th, 2011 at 8:47 am
Hi Ryan,
I am so surprised to learn that you were terrified of phone work! I once talked to one of these guys, and I can’t help but laugh now, because I told him this exact words “I can’t believe I’m talking to ‘the’ [MLM high-earner's NAME]!” They’re also just humans, and we don’t have to adore them! lol
I am inspired with the story you shared here, Ryan. Congratulations on becoming the person!
- Rowena
Rowena Bolo recently posted..Lessons from Think and Grow Rich Joining The 30-Day Mental Cleanse
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 2:18 am
Hi Ryan,
I loved how you relayed your personal story here , thank you.
I too have only been successful at that which I was prepared to fail at first. It is a necessary part of the process and usually not nearly as bad as we think it’s going to be.
Well done for overcoming your fear of the phone. It’s probably one of the most common stumbling blocks for people in business.
I appreciate your comment Ryan.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus!
Very touching story! So, what happened with your class? I’m curious.
Anyway, I could relate especially when being faced with a daunting dilemma such as this. If we really just confine ourselves to “what-ifs” and not do anything or at least try even if we fail a number of times, then we will never really know what it feels to triumph in the end.
The glory of one’s success or triumph is in the scaling of the mountain, so to speak. Reaching the top is just icing on the cake and a validation of what we went through.
Cheers!
Elmar Sandyck recently posted..Twitter Is Growing
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 2:28 am
Hi Elmar,
Well of course they could hardly believe that I had never learned to ice skate since for most of them it was as natural as walking.
I was very honest with them about my fears etc and interestingly enough, a few took it on board to become my personal coaches and they did a great job.
Of course many laughed when I fell over as I did many many times but then they laughed at each other and at themselves too. What else was there to do? We all just laughed and got on with it.
Two students in my class were not very confident skaters and they too were inspired to be better and and they were open to doing this when they knew that they actually were better than me at skating.
You are right Elmar… when we take on the challenge and succeed there is no feeling quite like it. I’ll never forget the feeling of finally being in control on the ice and at speed. What a thrill it was!
~Marcus
[Reply]
Confidence is the main entity that opens that doors of success in any field.Fears always throws you away from from success.The work with concentration is basic principle of success.
Smith recently posted..Featured Product
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 2:30 am
Hi Smith,
You are right, fear keeps us away from success and facing it, takes us to success so the choice is always ours. Does fear win or do we?
~Marcus
[Reply]
This is a great post. Sometimes people use personal development to be an excuse not to work. They read, read and read the whole day but they dont take action because of their fear. Having a great mindset is good but if we dont take action and face our fear.. nothing will happen
Thanks for sharing my friend.
- Ian Valeza
Ian Valeza recently posted..EFFECTIVE Facebook Marketing SECRETS That Most Attraction Marketers Dont Know
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 3:19 am
Hi Ian,
I agree with you. Reading more personal development may make you feel better but then it’s time to go and do it anyway.
Thanks Ian for adding your thoughts here. My apologies for the delayed reply. I have been working through a comment backlog!
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
What a brilliant post, Marcus! You have pointed out something so powerful about how affirmation or declaration alone can’t build our self-belief.
Although, I firmly believe in self-talk, as it reprograms our mind and prepares our subconscious to conquer those fears, nothing can be further from the truth that doing that specific thing we fear, over and over again is the key!
I know I still have fears to conquer(and probably some are even hiding!). The personal development part would be reading Chapter 15 of Think and Grow Rich, after which,I’ll just go out there and DO THE WORK!
Thanks again for this powerful post!
- Rowena
Rowena Bolo recently posted..Lessons from Think and Grow Rich Joining The 30-Day Mental Cleanse
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 2:34 am
Hi Rowena,
I agree with you about the benefits of using self talk. I was a competitive swimmer and whenever I swam in a competition I would self talk myself all the way to the finish line but of course had I not been in the water swimming, this would not have done me much good.
I think sometimes we just to be sure that we really do want what it is we are so fearful of. If we really want it then we will eventually take the plunge.
I always appreciate your comments Rowena, thank you.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Great Post Marcus! The only way to conquer fear or doubt is feel it and start doing it. There is infact no other way. My Biggest fear was cold calling prospects. And when I starting doing it I use to curse myself but eventually I kept on doing it. Now I know what to say to a prospect on a cold call and it is now an enjoyable process. But I had my bad days of prospect hanging up on me.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Lali
Lali Sandhu recently posted..The Seven Powerful Questions!
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 2:37 am
Hi Lali,
I appreciate you sharing your story here and great to hear that by just doing the phone calling, the fear was defeated. This is true of anything we want to achieve.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Marcus, aloha. Those “what ifs” will do you in every time. We end up spending far too much time worrying about them rather than taking the action necessary so that we don’t have to worry about them.
Whatever the activity, language, skill of any type, we only learn by doing. Theory may help you to understand the “why” behind the mechanics, however, it is the practice that makes it a part of you. Let’s face it, Marcus, if you want to swim, you have to let go of the side of the pool.
The more you do, the easier it becomes to do. Action breeds more action. A very successful person I know always said “Fail Forward Fast.”
Whether or not we force ourselves to do the uncomfortable is a matter of how much it means to us. Had you not made the effort you did to learn to skate, it would have “cost” you all year long. Instead, you learned a new skill, were able to have a better relationship with your students and you knew you had accomplished one more thing in your life because you made the decision to do it.
Marcus, here are a couple of quotes which speak to the doing, belief and confidence.
“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent Van Gogh
“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” Peter T. Mcintyre
Marcus, as we have both learned, thank heaves, the sky will not fall and the earth will not stop rotating if we make a mistake, fall down or outright fail.
Thx for a wonderfully thought provoking post. Take good care, my friend. I believe in you. Aloha. Janet
Janet recently posted..Blogging is Personal Development on Steroids by Janet Callaway The Natural Networker
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 2:55 am
Aloha Janet,
“Fail Forward Fast.” – I like that. It would make a great personal motto, don’t you think?
Fear of failure is so common and yet it never goes away. Every time we want to try something we have not done before we will feel fear.
The trick is in remembering that we have been in this position before and that we succeeded so we can do it again.
When I experience fear I usually de-construct it by asking myself what is the worst that can happen.
Almost always it’s never as bad as I was imagining without actually naming it. When we shine a light on what we fear so that we can see it, then we know what to expect and it makes taking that leap so much easier.
Also love the Vincent Van Gogh quote. I had not hear that one before.
Thank you as always for sharing more value in your comment.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
I so loved this story. The truth is: Everybody faces fear, poor people, middle class people, rich people. The difference is that rich people act in spite of their fear.
I am glad I learned that fear is NOT “false evidence appearing real” but anticipation of pain. This acronym gets people on thin ice, to remain on topic.
The truth is also: Most mediocre people aren’t aware of their fears, they will find good, rational reasons to mask their fears. It doesn’t matter how good these reasons, they’re still excuses.
I know how to skate on ice – I wonder what I would have done if I had come to Australia and had been supposed to surf.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Take care
Oliver
Oliver Tausend recently posted..MLM Success With Think And Grow Rich And Oliver Tausend Pt 1
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 3:03 am
Hi Oliver,
Indeed, it’s the anticipation of fear that stops people in their tracks, mostly because they imagine the pain without naming it. When we define the pain it’s usually never half as bad as we thought it was going to be.
Surfing…. yes well I imagine you would have dealt with it in the only was you could at that point Oliver. However surfing in my opinion carries a lot more danger than ice skating so perhaps sitting on the beach looking out to see would be quite reasonable considering. LOL
Thank you for always adding great comments at the end of my posts.
~Marcus
[Reply]
luv the post. I find that in your statement “magical ‘metaphysical osmosis’ process once you have done enough personal development” is the root of a lot failures. The “magic” is us, and our ability to build confidence and exercise courage. I learned a humbling lesson from my 5 year old daughter once. She was balancing on a flower box and I asked “aren’t you afraid of falling” she answered “yes, but when I am afraid of something, that’s when I know I just have to do it”. That was a couple years back as she is 7 now , but I haven’t forgot her reminding me that courage is not the absence of fear but being scared and doing it anyway.
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 6th, 2011 at 11:02 pm
Hi Terry,
Wow Terry I loved the story about your daughter. Such magnificent wisdom!
This is why children learn so much and so easily when they are younger, because they are born with knowing what to do. They know that they will be fine no matter what happens.
Unfortunately as we get older we forget what we are capable of and what we have to do to learn.
I experienced a similar reminder to you from you daughter when I learned to ice skate. I was surrounded by 5 year olds learning too and having a ball while they did.
They didn’t care about anybody else because they were simply enjoying the process of learning by embracing the whole experience.
Too right, we will wait forever if we’re waiting to feel courageous first. It’s in facing our fears and doing what we fear most that we know we were courageous afterwards.
Thank you for sharing this story here!
~Marcus
[Reply]
You know, that has worked for me, too! I think back on other times I had to do something I was sure I could not do, that I was afraid of, and that helps me feel more confident now.
I agree that acknowledging your fear, resolving to do it anyway and encouraging yourself with reminders of past success is the way to go. And, too, getting up and trying again, even if you fall.
Jeanine Byers Hoag recently posted..Three in Thirty- My Goals for May
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 3:13 am
Hi Jeanine,
It kind of makes sense doesn’t it when we can look back over our loves and realize that we have been successful before so we can do it again.
As you say not giving up in the process is a vital part of the success formula.
Thank you for adding your voice here Jeanine.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hey Marcus,
Looking back, I can say the things that I have come to master were the things I dreaded.
I remember I particular time in College when I was asked by a group of people to tutor them a particular difficult course, I refused and told them I was not a good teacher and recommended another person to them. Unfortunately the person I recommended got sick and because the exam was approaching I had to reluctantly move in.
After taking the course, I was amazed at the delight of the students concerned. I did very well in the exam and were raving about me to their friends.
Since then I have come to love teaching people and have overcome stage fright in the process.
This teaches that face your fears, put on the blinders (got that from ‘Facing the Giants’ and watch fear flee.
Thanks for the story and insight, Marcus!
Tosin
Tosin recently posted..Facebook Notes- How to Generate Leads Using Facebook Notes
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 9th, 2011 at 3:07 am
Hi Tosin
Thank you for adding your personal story here. It really does not matter what the fear is we face, to us it’s real and has to be dealt with in the same way, head on as you did.
Well done!
~Marcus
[Reply]
Marcus,
You had me nodding my head in agreement when I read this. We’re on the same page when it comes to our approach to “new territory.” We just focus our minds on what we know we’re capable of and recall our experience.
Once we tap into the confidence and winning factor that has seen us through in the past, we know we’ll do it again.
Oh and I like Janet’s quote from Mcintyre in her comment. That’s powerful.
Getting back up and persevering is where most of the obstacles are overcome. It’s also how we become confident enough to welcome any and all new challenges that lie ahead.
Thanks, Marcus!
-Jon
Jon recently posted..Enjoy Mother’s Day and Learn to Say “No” Like Mom
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 7th, 2011 at 11:15 am
Hi Jon,
Yes it is such an effective transference technique. I use this often when coaching people who I discover are having problems facing a fear.
Sometimes I have to work quite hard at getting them to re-call previous successes so it’s amazing how easily these are forgotten by some.
The great thing is that once they start remembering then more and more experiences come to the surface.
Everybody should keep a reminder list of their successes if they think they are going to to forget these, to remind themselves that they have been successful before and can do it again.
I also like Jane’s quote – very powerful.
Thanks for always contributing more value here Jon.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hey Marcus,
This post just refreshed some of the fears I used to have. I think we all have some kind of fears in life and we don’t need to participate in a “Fear Factor” reality TV show to overcome that fear. Compromising with the situation, is how I overcame some of my fears. Living with fears can even make one develop feelings of inferiority complex so we should never let anything take away our confidence and happiness from our lives.
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 7th, 2011 at 11:08 am
Hi Darin,
Great to have you add this important point here. Thank you.
When we value ourselves as we should then we won’t allow anything to take away our confidence and happiness.
Well-being is meant for us all and is ours when we claim it.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
I remember learning to ride on a dirt bike by going into corners faster and faster until I crashed. Then, I knew I had to go a little slower. Also, when I took on the game of golf, it took a lot of confidence in myself to beleive I could hit the ball anything near like how the pros hit it. Some things, like sky diving, or brain surgery, you have to get right the first time. Most things are as you say, beleive you can do it, and take your lumps along the way.
Lou Barba
Lou Barba recently posted..The Secret of Stinging Nettles
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 7th, 2011 at 10:17 am
Hi Lou,
I am not surprised a good story teller such as yourself has stories to share in this regard too.
Thank you for doing so.
I believe the difference between whether we grow or not is completely linked to whether we have had the guts to face what we most fear.
If we don’t have stories about our own courage to tell then have we really risen to the call within us to grow? I don’t believe so.
In the end the fears are totally our own and the only way to conquer them is face them ourselves. We have to write our own life stories. Nobody can do this for us.
As we do what we fear we become more confident, trusting that we can do it, creating our self belief and then we have stories to tell.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hey Marcus,
I totally agree, personal development merely lays the foundation for a belief in oneself, but taking action and facing your fears are the catalysts that help you achieve self belief.
I love your ice skating analogy, when you say that reading all the personal development books in the world would not have made you a better skater.
At some point, you need to put down the books and take action. Sure, you risked getting laughed at when you fell on the ice, but look at all the kids you inspired, the ones who watched you face your fears and get out there.
I’ll be there were quite a handful (if not all) of the kids who were facing similar situations in their lives, and just maybe you gave them the inspiration to take action and give it a try,
Awesome post, my friend!
Dr. Bob Clarke recently posted..How I Boosted my Blog’s Alexa Ranking by 108 in 30 Days
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 8th, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Hi Bob,
I believe we teach more not by what we say but how we act, behave and what we do.
What many of those kids taught me was to not fear the process but embrace it and what I believe I taught some of the more timid ones was that if it was OK for the teacher to be vulnerable then he would be there with them when they were vulnerable too.
Thank you for highlighting this excellent point Bob.
~Marcus
[Reply]
I totally agree on your point, Marcus. Experiences (mostly bad) are the best instructors and the manner how we get along with them contributes to the improvement of self belief. I consider personal developments as theories and facing your fears as the applications. I hope that the misconception of others about the two categories would be corrected. Thanks for sharing!
Aybi recently posted..Facebook- be very careful…
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 11th, 2011 at 3:48 am
Hi Aybi,
I like what you say about personal development being theories and facing our fears as the application.
You are so right. It is only when we face our fears that we will know if any of the personal development we have been doing has helped us.
Thank you for stopping by and leaving a great comment.
~Marcus
[Reply]
[...] Personal Development Won't Create Your Self Belief [...]
Sometimes I find myself filled with so much self-doubt that it becomes crippling. I thought that this will be a topic that will be very beneficial to everyone since building self confidence is a goal which many people have.
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 21st, 2011 at 6:47 pm
Hi Faith,
We all experience self doubt and I too know that crippling feeling you refer to.
Building self confidence comes from doing what we fear. The challenge is to get to the point of being able to do what we fear so that we can actually do it enough to build the self confidence which then eradicates the fear.
Waiting till the fear disappears before we do it is what stops most of us from doing what we have to do.
There is no easy way through this other than to accept that it’s fine not to succeed until we do and that the only opinion that matters is our own. And then we have to jump in and soothe ourselves through the experience, focusing on believing that we can do it and we will do it.
Having someone who believes in us before we are able to so is the key. You may like to read my Noah St John series of posts. Just click on the Posts Index and you’ll find them under Personal Development.
Thanks for your comment.
~Marcus
[Reply]