For years I have consciously worked on living more in the present moment and I can say without a doubt that it has made my life a whole lot easier when I manage to do so.
Isn’t it funny though how we can so easily fall into the trap of thinking we have mastered our intricate little minds when in fact the learning is a journey without a final destination. I was reminded of this yet again this past weekend.
A friend asked me if I could feed her cats while she was to be away. She was however a bit uneasy about doing this since she had just moved into a new house which I had not yet visited.
“It’ll be fine,” I assured her, “what could possibly go wrong?”
The next morning I found her new place easily enough and proceeded to unlock the door.
The key turned in the lock okay but when I tried to push the door open it would not budge. Naturally this led to a zillion key out, key in, same outcome attempts.
What happened to that quote I know so well….. about ‘doing the same thing over being insane’ at this point?
I immediately sensed agitation and then the inner chatter started.
“Now that’s a dumb thing to do, Melissa’s given me the wrong key.
How does she expect me to feed her cats when she can’t even give me the right key?
I mean how difficult can it be?
Surely she tested the key herself, especially since it’s a new house?
I wonder if she has any idea how busy I am right now….. blah blah blah”
Notice how my ego jumped straight into complaining and blaming mode which course was aimed at making me feel even more agitated.
Immediately I sensed an almost compulsive desire to call her and tell her what a silly mistake she had made.
This of course would have been a reaction which my ego wanted me to believe would make me feel better for having been so inconvenienced.
I didn’t follow through. Instead I tried the door another zillion times which just fuelled my agitation further.
The ego does not give up that easily so it decided to try the guilt and fear route.
“What’s going to happen if I can’t get in?
The cats are going to be starving.
Melissa will never forgive me.”
Immediately I sensed my agitation turn to intense anxiety.
I could almost feel myself losing control but then I suddenly became aware of the fact that I was not stuck in the middle of this chaos, I was in fact looking in as an observer which meant I didn’t have to do anything.
I stepped back, took in deep breath and asked, “What should I do here?”
Instantly I felt the impulse to go and have a cup of coffee. True to form my ego tried to interject however about my not having time.
I ignored it and did exactly what my inner voice had guided.
As I sat in a nearby cafe sipping my Cappuccino I did not give the problem any of my attention at all. In fact I always have a book or Ipod with me so decided to read while enjoying my coffee.
When I was done I retuned to my friend’s new house, stood in front of the door and simply looked at it.
Then I heard this voice from within saying “Pull, don’t push.”
That’s ridiculous, I thought. All front doors open inwards. Everybody knows that. Look at the door you can see from it’s design that it must open inwards.
Even though my ego wanted me to reject this idea completely, I stepped forward, turned the key in the lock and pulled. The door opened with the greatest of ease.
I was stunned but very relieved.
So what is the takeaway here?
Firstly, just because something appears to be a certain way does not mean that it is.
Secondly, when we can get to the point of not giving into the madness that is our minds, we can find solutions to any problems whether in our business or personal lives because we’ll be given what we need to hear if we are still enough to hear it.
Sometimes we have to simply pull back from what appear to be problems so that we can see and hear more clearly.
Do you have any experiences to share of when something ended up being different to how it first appeared?
What was the bridge that took you to the realization?
Please leave your responses and thoughts in the comments section and I’ll meet you there.
Lastly, please share this post with your followers because they might want to join in the discussion here too.
Be Happy!
Post Image: Miguel Saavedra, http://www.sxc.hu/profile/saavem
Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy your visit. May I suggest you...
Marcus, Thank you so much for your post “pull, don’t push”. Indeed“It’ll be fine,” I assured her, “what could possibly go wrong?” .
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[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 31st, 2011 at 1:32 am
Hi Alex,
Thank you. I appreciate you visiting and leaving me a comment.
Have a great new week!
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hey Marcus,
Sounds very similar to the conversation that I would be having with myself if I were in your situation.
Last night I was searching Google to find out how to change the author name on my posts from me to guest blogger.
After an hour of getting no where I decided to let my intuition guide me to the answer. I went into the WordPress dashboard and after a few minutes I figured it out.
That darn ego is a tough one to deal with during stressful times.
Justin recently posted..How To Stand Your Ground When Everything Goes Wrong
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 30th, 2011 at 11:50 pm
Hi Justin,
It sure is and so loud and persuasive too!
Amazing how much easier life becomes when we take control back and allow our intuition to guide us though.
Now I just need to work on having this happen more of the time. Like everybody it’s a work in progress…
~Marcus
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alexander Reply:
June 7th, 2011 at 6:06 am
that is funny
i also sometimes try to search for “how to”, and i never find what i need (opposite to my brother!). and then i just try to guess, which works faster 
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 7th, 2011 at 8:05 am
Hi Alexander,
I guess the secret is not to try and make things happen to hard and just to stay light and easy if we can then we open up the way for our inner voice to help us without us even knowing.
Thanks for leaving a comment.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Marcus, aloha. What a great story; I can well imagine the mind chatter.
Happily, at long last, I have learned how to best deal with such situations–at least for me.
To begin, I would do exactly what you did and attempt to insert, re-insert, insert half way, rotate, etc. about a zillion times. The same conversation tapes would be playing in my head as well.
Then, Marcus, what I have at long last learned to do, is to step back, get quiet, ask myself the question I want answered and then listen to the answer. The key (no pun intended) is to ask the right question.
In this case, Marcus, I would have asked “How am I going to get into the house?” Since that would have been my objective, it would not have mattered how I entered the house be it by the front door or a window. Guaranteed my inner voice would have told me to pull the door open.
Though it’s rather embarrassing to say because of how long it confounded me, Marcus, it’s people.
What I found is that so many people were not as they appeared–or rather as I saw them. Because they “looked good,” and used the “right words,” I thought they meant what they said.
The bridge that took me to realization had two lanes. One was not projecting my values/beliefs onto others and expecting them to act as I would and the other was to listen and to hear what they are actually saying–not what I wanted them to be saying.
Marcus, I have to tell you that I am still smiling thinking of you attempting to open that door and understanding completely the mind chatter. Thx heavens you left and enjoyed the cappuccino and realigned so the information could flow to you.
Best wishes for a glorious week, my friend. Aloha. Janet
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Hi Marcus!
I could just imagine you engaging in a soliloquy. The frustration that you must’ve felt in your failed attempts to open the door must’ve really worn you out. Sigh. In a sense, I was journeying with you in your predicament and at some point I thought: “why doesn’t Marcus just call his friend and ask?”
But, I could totally understand that sometimes, we just want to explore all possibilities first before we proceed to the next option. And all it would take is to step out of the box and see things in a different way. Always works!
I know I’ve had several similar stories but I’m still racking my brain for a coherent story. One thing’s sure, though, this happens to most of us.
Great insight!
Elmar Sandyck recently posted..Google Wallet- Anyone
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Hi Marcus,
Oh gosh, I can so relate how you must have felt. Silly, stupid, like an idiot don’t even come close. Not that I am calling you any of these, but I have been in a situation like that to many a time.
What I have learned to do is, remove myself from the situation, do something completely different, and then come back after I calmed down. (Seems that worked for you as well.) We think more clearly when we are not frustrated, angry or mad.
So glad you figured it out and those poor kitties didn’t have to starve
Cheers,
Ilka
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[Reply]
this article i have learned a big deal in myself.
ivan recently posted..Tips in Finding the Right Partner
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
May 31st, 2011 at 3:53 am
Thanks for stopping by Ivan.
~Marcus
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Hi Marcus,
I can easily see myself going through the same exact thought processes and reactions. It’s amazing isn’t how if we step back and look at the situation as an outsider things look so different? I know that I have experienced that numerous times, I can’t think of any examples offhand. I will have to come back and share one when I think of it!
Stacy
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[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 9:46 am
Hi Stacy,
The better we get at being able to short circuit our “madness” the easier we make life for ourselves which you no doubt have experienced often too Stacy.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
~Marcus
[Reply]
I think we’ve all been to that point when we don’t know how to do something, although it looks very simple. If we could just see the problem from another angle, things will be much simpler.
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 7:15 am
Hi Mia,
Totally! Sometimes we just need to stand back and look at things differently.
Appreciate your comment!
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
Wow! Mind chatter can be our biggest enemy. The biggest solution to any problem, like you said, is to be still and listen to your inner wisdom, not crazy mind chatter.
I’m going trough a little bit of mind chatter right now. Yeah, I am going to take a minute, clear my mind, by stepping away from the problem. Then come back to it later.
Thanks!
Tisha
Tisha recently posted..May Commentors Spotlight
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Wonderful story that speaks everyone’s mind Marcus. I am sure it is the damn ego that doesn’t let us find our way, most of the times. Things like this have happened a million times to me.
The sad thing is that I realize such happenings very late since each time, it is kinda bit different; or I should say, different forms of ego, LOL.
Jane.
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[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 2nd, 2011 at 8:01 am
Hi Jane,
Yeah the ego is a slippery character to say the least so I know exactly what you mean about realizing too late sometimes.
But then it is better to have realized, even if late than not at all.
Thanks for adding to the discussion Jane.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Cute story. Glad you stopped listening to your mind chattering and instead walked, cleared your mind and found a simple solution.
All the best
Catarina
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 2nd, 2011 at 7:24 am
Hi Catarina,
Welcome to my blog.
Yes often the monkey mind of ours just needs to be treated with disdain! Ha ha
Thank you for taking the time to leave a response too. Much appreciated and hope to have you visit again soon.
~Marcus
[Reply]
What a great story, Marcus.
I would have done the same if I were in your situation.
Thanks for sharing this excellent post.
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[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 2nd, 2011 at 7:40 am
Hey Dev,
Pleased you enjoyed this post and thanks for leaving a comment here.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
thanks for sharing this. I can totally relate to your story.
Two years ago I was rafting for the first time in my life, in Malaysia. At a certain place, we could leave the raft and swim in the river, which was awesome. Then I tried to swim directly against the current which was completely impossible (although I am good swimmer). Then I swam zigzagways, only slightly, and oh wonder I could swim against the current easily and effortlessly.
Another example – also with water: 12 years I swam in the Atlantic in Portugal, pretty close to the beach, however I got caught by a current that pushed me towards the rocky shore. I tried to escape from the current by swimming like crazy, not slightest chance. I started panicking because I was turned upside down and the shore and the rocks came nearer. I knew if I hit the rocks with my head, it would be pretty ugly. Then I had the intuition to let go and to do nothing against the current, I only tried to keep my head above the water in order not to swallow too much water. Well, I was washed up onto landwithin seconds and only had a few abrasions from the rocks on my legs – and a terrible cold, that was about it. I know that if I had continued to fight against or with the current, I could have drowned.
In both cases I had hunches from my intuition that I followed without hesitation. That was the bridge.
Take care
Oliver
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[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 6th, 2011 at 7:53 am
Hi Oliver,
Sorry about the delay in responding to this comment. I somehow seemed to have missed it earlier on and what a stellar response it is too. Thank you.
I love your examples! They both show so clearly how important it is to follow our intuition at all times.
I am sure that second experience must have been quite scary Oliver but it’s often when we are faced by extreme fear that we become intensely present and can then hear out inner voice very clearly.
Thank you for adding such great value here.
~Marcus
[Reply]
[...] me down this path was that I found myself smiling, once again, as I read a comment by my friend Marcus Baker. In reading each other’s posts and comments, we are often inspired as to a post of our own. [...]
Hahaha – Marcus, what a great description of how we feel when confronted with something frustrating. The emotions and reactions you describe fit me to a tee.
I think next time I start to feel that anxiety, I’ll try to remember this post and look for the easy solution
Thanks for sharing!
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
I might go through a light bulb goes on sequence like this now and then, but I don’t think I’d admit it.
Seriously though, how many times is the solution to a problem a simple litlle thing? Certainly, in golf, the solution is almost always some little tiny deviation. Thanks for sharing this anecdote, Marcus.
Lou
Lou Barba recently posted..The Big C Doesn’t Need Any Tricks
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
Thanks for sharing this post and bringing up the learning is always a journey!
I enjoyed the story and I’ve had the same experience in the past. When I stepped away from the solution instead of doing the same thing over and over again in frustration I find the solution. And guess what, it would be easy and I would be thinking, gosh it’s that easy?
Sometimes we make things more complicated than it should be hey?
Thanks for sharing this story and it will remind me that as difficult as it may be, we need to ask the ego to step aside for a second
P.S. When I first read the title of this post, I thought it would be about pulling people to your blog and not being pushy selling to them. Assumptions we make!!
Diana Simon recently posted..My Blogging Community features Michelle Shaeffer
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 5th, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Hi Diana,
You are right, sometimes we don’t see that we are causing our own suffering but the more conscious moments we can have like my experience in this post, the more they become the norm because we learn to be present more intensely.
I have always found that if one can just stop oneself and focus on one’s breathing then one can stop the madness form spiralling out of control.
Diana I found your assumptions about the post title so interesting. It shows how we can often lead or not lead people to our posts too and it would have been a great title for the topic you thought it was about anyway.
I appreciate your comment Diana.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus, good post. We always must have a moment to think logically when situations occur. I like how you resolved this problem
Melanie recently posted..How men love
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 7th, 2011 at 8:23 am
Hi Melanie,
It is so simple really isn’t it, when we don’t allow ourselves to drown in nonsense?
I appreciate your feedback here!
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
Ha! Another good one. It’s funny how quickly and efficiently our ego works to make us feel more crumby in situations that feel uncomfortable.
I recently wrote a post about my first time on a motorbike here in Phuket. 1000 thoughts a minute, all seemed to be negative, getting annoyed at my girlfriend for suggesting the idea, the people around here driving on the road, and myself for not being a master motor bike rider 5 seconds after saddling up for the first time. Laughable, really
I then pulled back and decided to practice on a quiet street. After 20 minutes I was fine.
Keep quieting that chatter folks, and learn to listen to the small, still voice. Marcus shares an absolute golden tidbit with his experience.
Thanks for sharing!
Ryan
Ryan Biddulph recently posted..How Riding a Motorbike in Phuket Taught Me About Limiting Beliefs
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 7th, 2011 at 7:52 am
Hi Ryan,
Great to read your comment and I’ll be off next to read that post of yours after this.
One of the biggest lessons I have had to learn regarding the ego is vigilance. One never seems to get to a “Right mastered that. Tick.” point. It has to be watched continually.
Author Eckart Tolle speaks about having killed off his ego and so I assume he no longer has to keep watch?
My ego is obviously like a cockroach about which I read recently can survive a nuclear holocaust! LOL
Thanks for adding to the comments Ryan.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus,
What comes to mind for me when I read this is, “Looks can be deceiving or Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.”
Just because we think things should be a certain way, it doesn’t mean that they are.
Assume begins with ass, and that is we are when we make them, assumptions, that is.
Thanks for sharing this story Marcus, It was thought provoking and I got a good laugh out of it, because I’ve been there too.
Ian Belanger recently posted..YES | How To Get More of Them By Using Just One Word
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 9th, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Hi Ian,
Never a truer word said which you summed up perfectly with, “Assume begins with ass, and that is we are when we make them, assumptions, that is.”
What amazes me is how closed we really can become but it was a good reminder for me to be see things more flexibly.
Appreciate your support here Ian. Thank you.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Marcus,
My parent’s house door opens out. Everyone that sees it stares at it confused for a while then it finally dawns on them that it opens that wrong way. You know something’s wrong, but you can’t quite put your finger on it… Then the inevitable “uh… Why the hell does that door open out?” My mom didn’t want the door taking up room inside.
The bad news is the hinges are on the outside and you can literally remove the door with a pair of pliers, even if it’s deadbolted. lol… Good thinkin’, mom.
Pete
Pete Dimas recently posted..Are You Marketing Blindly?
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 9th, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Hey Pete,
Isn’t it funny how we get so used to things being a certain way that it’s almost impossible at first to see that it could be different.
Yes definitely a “duh moment” for me too… ha ha and ho easily I could have got myself all worked up for nothing. Good thing I didn’t.
As for the security issues and your parent’s door….
Maybe you need a good watch dog on the outside which reminds me I heard some dude in the Northern territory here has a crocodile in a pool outside his front door which he never locks. No kidding.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Pete Dimas Reply:
June 10th, 2011 at 10:55 am
Skulls on sticks. That’s all I use for security. lol
I like the crocodile welcome mat, though. I’ll look into that… Once my moat is finished.
Pete
Pete Dimas recently posted..Are You Marketing Blindly?
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 7:19 am
Ha ha… as long as your croc is Pete-friendly or else might get hungry! LOL
~Marcus
Thanks Marcus – now I know why I couldn’t get into that door a while back. The old pull-push principle. Great thought derived from your daily experience. I love that with life – always dishing out a new lesson that we can use to help others – if the student is ready and the teacher arrives. Good job!
Peter G. James Sinclair recently posted..How To Live Recklessly Without Being Shipwrecked
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
July 5th, 2011 at 9:10 am
Hi Peter,
Ah yes life with its many lessons… but then that’s what it’s all about so the faster we learn them the faster we can move on to other lessons I guess.
Thanks for leaving a comment Peter.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Hi Marcus, long time no see. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve pulled when I should have pushed… and vice versa.
Isn’t it funny (well not really) how we can often go into blame mode so quickly. Sad really.
My ex was like that (not slighting him) but it rubbed off on me too… where I was so quick to protect my own ego as you say.
Upon taking many breaths (deep ones at that) I have often (and still do) occasionally try to step back first.
I do think it’s bizarre that a door would open outwards though! LOL
Glad you have such a clear understanding of our quirky human condition.
I’m glad the cats got fed… and that you had the time to take that well deserved cup of coffee!
Jayne
Jayne Kopp recently posted..Is Honesty the Best Policy | Building an Online Business?
[Reply]
Marcus Baker Reply:
July 24th, 2011 at 9:22 am
Hi Jayne,
Yes why the heck make the door open outwards??? Ha ha.
It all worked out in the end thankfully and I learned some more about myself. It truly does never end does it?? LOL
Great to have you visit again Jayne.
~Marcus
[Reply]
Your friend will probably forgive you, I love the concept pull and push you make me realize something I need to ponder. Thanks Marcus!
Hester Sutic recently posted..Natural Remedies For Heartburn
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Marcus Baker Reply:
December 6th, 2011 at 4:35 am
Hi Hester,
Pleased the post got you thinking!
~Marcus
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